Young men and boys need clear examples of how a good man behaves to grow into one themselves.
“Power for’ leadership
. . . is expressed in service, responsibility and self-gift.
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Healthy masculinity is not the absence of strength, it is strength rightly ordered. Rigid scripts of manhood that equate masculinity with dominance, emotional suppression, sexual conquest and power over others have become known as 'toxic masculinity'.
While this form of masculinity is promoted in the online space, many others have recognised its damage to men and women and are working to provide a better role model. This work matters. Narrow and harmful constructions of masculinity have contributed to isolation, poor mental health outcomes, and gender-based violence. For the sake of dignity, safety, and the flourishing of both men and women, these stereotypes must be challenged.
But dismantling alone is not formation.
When we take something away without clearly articulating what replaces it, we leave a void. Many boys today are told what masculinity should not be: not aggressive, not controlling, not entitled. But they are given far less clarity about what masculinity can be. Into that void step louder voices.
Research, such as the Jesuit Social Services Man Box study, highlights how adolescent boys often feel confined by narrow expectations of manhood, particularly those tied to dominance, emotional stoicism and sexual conquests. When these scripts are questioned, but not replaced with compelling alternatives, boys do not simply abandon the desire for identity and belonging. Instead, they search for it elsewhere.
Masculinity in the Scriptures
Loving masculinity is woven throughout the Gospels. Jesus weeps at the tomb of Lazarus (John 11:35), showing emotional presence without shame.
He protects the woman caught in adultery from violence (John 8:1-11), demonstrating courage in defence of dignity.
He washes his disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17), redefining leadership as service.
‘The Son of Man came not to be served but to serve’ (Mark 10:45).
Strength, in Scripture, is expressed through love.
Fill the void
Online influencers and subcultures are quick to fill the void. They offer certainty in a confusing world. They promise strength, status, brotherhood and clarity. Their narratives are simple: be powerful, be feared, be dominant. For boys navigating adolescence, a period marked by insecurity, comparison, and longing to fit in, such messages can be deeply appealing.
The lesson is clear. If we dismantle harmful masculinities without intentionally forming healthy masculinities, someone else will form notions of masculinity for us.
The Christian tradition does not leave this void empty. At its centre stands a radically compelling vision of masculinity in the person of Jesus Christ. This masculinity is not only healthy but is, at its heart, a loving masculinity – a richer vision shaped by the Christian tradition, offering something far deeper and more life-giving than cultural ideals alone.
Christ embodies strength without aggression. He exercises authority without domination. He leads without coercion.
His power is never ‘power over’ but always ‘power for’. Power for the healing of others, for the protection of the vulnerable, for the restoration of dignity.
Crucial distinction
This distinction is crucial. ‘Power over’ leadership seeks control, compliance and status. It thrives on hierarchy and fear. ‘Power for’ leadership, by contrast, is generative.
It is expressed in service, responsibility and self-gift. It is courageous enough to be emotionally present. It is strong enough to be gentle.
In the Gospels we see a man who weeps publicly, who touches those considered untouchable, who defends women from violence, who confronts injustice directly, and who ultimately lays down his life not to prove dominance but to reveal love. This is not weakness. It is courage of the highest order.
For boys this is not a shaming narrative, it is an aspirational one.
Too often conversations about masculinity focus solely on what men are doing wrong. While accountability is necessary, formation cannot be built on deficit. It must be strengths-based. Boys respond far more powerfully to a positive, robust and challenging vision of who they are called to become.
“If the Church fails to speak clearly about loving masculinity, we should not be surprised when other narratives take hold.
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What loving masculinity can look like
Loving masculinity is power used for others, not over them.
IT IS:
emotionally articulate
accountable and responsible
protective without control relational and respectful courageous in service strong without aggression
confident without entitlement
grounded in dignity
– one’s own and others’
A Year 10 boy sits in silence while his friends ridicule another student. He feels the familiar tension: laugh along and belong, or speak and risk exclusion. When he says, ‘Drop it’, he may not realise it, but he has chosen courage over conformity. That is loving masculinity in action.
Caitlin Humphrys
Consultant
Consent and Respectful Relationships Education
Brisbane
Caitlin Humphrys | LinkedIn
Article appears in the Australian Catholics newsletter